No News McDaily – Don't come here, it's terrible.

MS-DOS to replace BBC 2 in New Year

Danny Dyer has genitals replaced with framed photo of Chris Tarrant

Trump abolishes Periodic Table of the Elements

Bradley Walsh and Brian Conley ‘are same person’ say scientists

Corbyn scores and is sent off on Manchester United debut

BoE puts interest rates up to 100%

MAY STEPS DOWN

May gets baked potato stuck to forehead

Ashley replaces Newcastle United pitch with branch of Sports Direct

Manford is new head of GCHQ

Kemp “secret owner of Pedigree Chum recipe” reveals police supergrass