I Wanna Hold Your GLAND: Macca in toilet outburst over PM’s hair

Handbag-faced legend in mop-top hair-swap

Ageing rocker Sir Paul McCartney has taken a swipe at Prime Minister Theresa May, according to toilet-goers who heard him ranting while having a slash in a public convenience.

Former monoped-fancier McCartney, 100, was overheard talking on his iPhone in the gents’ toilets at the RAF Fylingdales Radar Installation visitors’ centre on Tuesday. In a foul-mouthed tirade, he was heard to tell former bandmate Richard Starkey (real name Ringo Starr) that May was “sailing close to the f**king wind” and that “if she thinks she can go round looking like that then she’s got another f**king thing coming.”

Sir Paul is thought to have been referring to May’s now trademark mop-top hairstyle, which was stolen from the Beatle’s bonce in 1998 and replaced with a generic lesbian-style side parting while he slept. It is widely assumed that May bought the famous barnet from a seller on eBay around two years ago, at the same time as picking up a SNES and a refurbished Nokia 6310i.

When questioned by BBC Political Editor Laura Kuenssberg at a press conference earlier today, the lame duck PM was characteristically tight-lipped on the matter. “I dunno what you’re fucking talking about,” she sobbed.