Wheezing Cockney entertainer Bradley Walsh is in fact also Strictly Come Dancing star and aspiring comedian Brian Conley, laboratory tests have confirmed.
Walsh, 25, created the Conley character for a bet in 1983 and almost immediately became unhappy with his creation’s one-dimensional nature and desperately unfunny jokes. However Walsh has now become so embroiled in contractual obligations as the result of his alter-ego’s inexplicable success that he has no choice but to continue with the charade.
“He’s fucking caning it around the M25”
In an increasingly frenzied bid to to keep up the pretence that he and Conley are different people, The Sun reports that Walsh “is presumably absolutely f***ing caning it around the M25 between Strictly rehearsals and the studio where, presumably, they film The Chase. The poor b*stard is presumably absolutely f***ing exhausted. It’s a f***ing disgrace.”
Meanwhile, today’s Daily Mail has confirmed that:
- Walsh lives in a plush £4.6 million Surrey hideaway, whereas Conley resides in a plush hideaway in Surrey worth a reported £4.6m
- Walsh may have voted in the Brexit referendum, then emerged from the toilets of the polling station as Conley and voted again
- Princess Diana died in a car crash in Paris in 1997