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MAY STEPS DOWN

TOP TORY IN SHOCK RESIGNATION

Queen guitarist and committed Conservative Party supporter, Brian May, today announced his resignation from the post of de facto leader of the world-famous rock band.

May, 39, took on the mantle after the death of legendary frontman F Mercury in 1992. However he has now decided to step aside and let growling pot-basher Roger Taylor do all the interviews ‘n’ shit.

May emerged from the ground to give a short statement to reporters waiting in the woods. “As everyone knows,” he said, “I love badgers, and my wife and I have recently sold our house and moved into a sett. The main problem is that we have no fixed telephone line and limited mobile signal underground, so it’s become increasingly difficult to communicate with the outside world. As such I’ve had little option but to relinquish my status as spokesperson. Also, there’s shit everywhere.”

May then lowered himself into the earth, at which point the press were escorted back to the car park by a team of armed woodland creatures dressed in black uniforms and sunglasses.