Cor! Byn

Fabricant fabricates flannel following foe's filthy frolics

Embattled Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn likes to spy on naked women through their bedroom windows, it was suggested by one of his political opponents today.

Tousle-haired cartoon character Michael Fabricant used Parliamentary privilege – the famous doctrine under which, while sitting in Parliament, MPs become temporarily invincible – to declare that the embattled Hamas man, 41, is more “WOAH!cialist” than socialist.

The declaration brought condemnation from many of Corbyn’s allies. Deputy Labour leader Tom Watson said “there’s absolutely no truth in the rumour that Jeremy has bought a powerful telescope off Amazon for £172.68 (including P&P) which he uses to spy on his female neighbours. When I phoned him earlier he told me in no uncertain terms that this allegation is completely unfounded, but he had to cut the call short as there was a bloke at the front door with a very long, thin package.”

When interviewed at his constituency office in the Staffordshire town of Anus, Fabricant was unrepentant. “I was just returning to my quarters at the Palace of Westminster, having had a quick shower, when I noticed [Corbyn] in a room on the top floor of the building opposite. Because he had until then only seen me from behind, he had clearly assumed – possibly because of my luxuriant hairstyle – that I was a woman. But then when I turned around he saw my gonads, at which point he vomited out of the window, then threw the telescope out of the window, then threw himself out of the window. I found that a bit hurtful, to be honest.”